2 years away from China: Life Thoughts

Life Thoughts is the section that will tell you a bit on experiences, philosophy, worries and joys. If you ever feel lost, feel uncomprehended, maybe you find a couple of answers or even just a company herein.

This post is for us who were displaced from the place we planned to be in 2020 but due to the pandemic, ended up in a different place.

“I'm sorry to say so but, sadly, it's true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.” -Dr. Seuss

More than 2 years officially I have been outside China. The Winter Olympics have already started. Those Winter Olympics we heard about, we were eager to participate and attend. Because according to our numbers, we would be in China, we would be in Beijing. The Winter Olympics bring back all the activities we would attend in China; the international student fairs in BLCU, the burger festivals in Wangjing, the shopping at Sanlitun and nightlife at Gongti. Each of the things that according to our calculations we would enjoy for some more months, years.

Is it time to bury all those wishes and memories? After all, it has been more than 2 years since we no longer live in China. Many of my friends have moved on. They have buried the possibility of going back. They have made their lives in their home country. They have shipped their stuff back home or given it away after paying for two years of warehouse keeping. Other friends have a small flame -smaller each time- of hope that we might go back. They have left only a couple of bags to pick along with their certificates and their awaited graduation picture. They have one last wish to see the life we left behind without knowing what was coming.

It is likely that we are grateful we are with our families. I know I am. I am grateful that outside China I am able to spend time with my parents. I am happy I have been with them when I got covid sick, when they got their vaccination. It is also likely that we are sad we are not in China. I cannot help but regret that I am forgetting my chinese. I can barely remember the school, the subway, the canteen. I cannot help but miss the life that was so perfect. I had a boyfriend I loved, I had friends with whom I could be my true self, I had a direction for what I wanted in life. So I am grateful but I am also sad.

More than 2 years have passed and how come it still hurts? It feels like everything was taken away from us. We tried pulling it together, with emails to schools, with video calls with our friends, with plans and hopes for the next semester each time. I no longer say I live in China. Do you? For those who decided -or had to- stay in China it must not be easy either. Imagine being away from home so long, imagine seeing such a different lifestyle, not being able to enter or go out from the school walls as we did. Do you see the same Beijing your friends left two years ago? Do you still have the same life plans?

So, pengyou, is it time to bury all those wishes and memories we had two years ago? Or can the flame of the Winter Olympics bring it back? Can we start listening to Chinese songs again? Can we call an old friend and ask them about their life? Can we maybe talk about that night at the club or that day at school?